LDS Temples

Growing up the temple never scared me, nor was I worried about what happened inside. Just doing baptisms was perfectly fine for me… until everyone went on missions. Slowly, temple trip groups were split between those doing an endowment session and those doing baptisms. Then it was just a few of us going to the font…and then it was just two. At that point I felt so incredibly ostracized. While the rest of the entire group got to go behind the check-in desk, my friend and I were left to do baptisms on our own. I know that baptisms are also very important, but I felt that the others were getting more out of the trip than I could. Without going on a mission, there was never a real “reason” to get endowed. 

Not all of us are supposed to go on missions. Not all of us can.

This frustrated me so much! I felt like all my friends had more knowledge and were at a higher level than me. 

And it only got worse when as I got closer to going. 

The panic of being singled out (because I don’t know what I’m doing) or messing something up was terrifying. 

Temple Prep classes at church didn’t help me either. The fact that it was a separate class made the whole thing seem more secretive and selective. The class (in case you’re wondering) doesn’t talk about anything you didn’t already know. It could be taught in a normal class and that would be totally fine. 

I felt like maybe Satan was working on me. 

I had so many panic attacks and dreams that woke me up. 

Sometimes I cried about it. 

People telling me, “it’s a lot to take in” DOES NOT HELP AND MAKES IT WORSE. You make it more ambiguous. 

I understood it was sacred and that’s why we don’t talk about it, but honestly, it felt like I was blindly being thrown into the fire and I was supposed to excited…? I wasn’t. I was terrified. 

I wasn’t terrified of the ordinances, I was terrified of having no idea what to expect or what I would have to do if anything at all. 

“Just focus on the spirit” everyone told me. But it would have been nice to know what I have to do… just sit there? Say stuff? Move around the room? Do we do stuff one at a time? Was it all together? How was I supposed to know what to do? What do I participate in? 

AHHHHHHHHH. 

After going through this experience myself I wanted to offer my own advice and what helped me.

Thankfully, I had a wonderful fiancé who helped me. He didn’t know it, but helped calm my nerves a bit. He suggested reading a book about the temple (not The Holy Temple by Boyd K Packer, although that’s a good read which I recommend). The book Endowed from on High helped explain symbolisms and WHY they are used. Just a bit more information :) 

I was also so incredibly blessed with a roommate who instead of telling me the temple is a lot of information and weird (don’t tell people that either!!!), she told me that it’s the warmest, happiest place and you’ll never smile more. Everyone should be like her. She made me feel peaceful rather than worried. 

One of the most important things I found helpful was to ask people “what’s one thing you wish someone had told you before you went your first time” 

This makes people actually remember their anxieties and what would have helped. You get some good and more thoughtful answers this way. 

But the most help I had was from praying. I can’t tell you how many times I was on my knees praying for comfort about it, and that I would be excited to go. 

The days got better after that. 

Not all days were worry free, but I was much more relaxed. I felt like I had a blanket around my brain keeping anxiety thoughts away. 

I prayed and thought about it so much that I had this incredible dream that about put all my worries to rest. It must have come from heaven, because no such feelings of peace and joy could have come from anywhere else.

I entered into a giant black and white building, glass windows everywhere. The scenery was beautiful…gardens, mountains, temples, snow, fountains, all surrounding this building. I was greeted by former prophet, President Hinckley, but I also recognized other faces from home. President Hinkley asked if he could help me, and I told him it was my first time going into a building like this. He was so excited for me to be there! He told me that I shouldn’t be so worried and that he wanted to show me something that might help. He let me enter past an invisible shield/veil thing, and as soon as I stepped through pure joy shot through me. My entire body was glowing with this feeling of bliss and peace. It was the purest form of happiness. I’ve never felt so happy in my life! At that point I exclaimed, “how can the church not be true when you receive joy like this?! You can’t deny this feeling or the church. No other place has this.”

He then informed me that I was right! And everything we do is to have bits of that joy until we get to have the full joy again when we return back to heaven. 

That’s why we do everything. 

I still have questions why we do things. I still don’t get things. I’m still learning, but I wish I had gone earlier (before close to getting married).

I think it would have helped me process and feel more comfortable if I had just gone with my mom and without a wedding crew behind me. 

My advice is to go before you have to (marriage or mission) that way you’re going for yourself. 

Only have people you want to be there be there. (I advise parents to help you).

The temple is a wonderful place, and I feel myself wanting to go often, so it must have been not too bad. 

So go. Go now for yourself and feel of God’s mighty power. 

Don't forget to be awesome! 

How I Found My Wedding Shoes

I have never been good at decision making. 

Not that I make poor decisions. 

It’s the little, everyday, decisions that trouble me. The ones that don’t effect your day much, but you still think about it.

Like smiling at a stranger. 

Staying home instead of going out.

Saying something in church. 

Going to a different store first instead of the one you planned. 

Changing your route home. 

Sometimes I’ll regret it. Sometimes I won’t think about it ever again. 

When I end up following my usual schedule despite these feelings, nothing happens anyway. When I follow these thoughts that cross my mind, nothing happens either. 

I’ll often hear these stories of “I followed this prompting and something amazing happened, etc”

But I think I’ve had a hard time distinguishing between my own thoughts and promptings I might be having. 

My brain just likes to overthink these little decisions and sometimes I’ll stress about it. 

This has been my life for twenty years. 

Recently, I’ve had kick in being more diligent and meaningful about my prayers. During this change, I’ve not only decided to change in my prayer habits, but to change as a person in other ways as well. This last week I prayed for opportunities to follow promptings. 

Shortly after this change, I felt after a Relief Society lesson that I should thank the teacher for the lesson. 

Even though my heart was beating like mad in my chest, I did it anyway. 

I felt good about it afterwards :) I even hugged her!

My sister and I decided to take a random shopping trip. We both had been stuck at home most of the week. Our first stop is always Rue 21, because we usually score pretty big there and don’t end up going other places.

While we were there, I found plenty of clothes for a decent price. I’d definitely wear them and I’d be getting it all for about 30$. 

This was about normal for me. 

Except I had this feeling to not buy any of it. Confused, I went and tried them on again. They didn’t have any weird stains, and they fit me fine. 

But, I still didn’t feel like buying them, so I put everything back on the rack and told Celeste I simply didn’t feel like I should get them.

Together, we walked to the store next door, Payless. 

Immediately going to my size section, I found these beautiful white shoes. Actually, they were perfect for a wedding. They had silver gems and were something I could wear without dying too much. They were pretty, I liked them.

Unbanounced to me, I would be finding my wedding shoes that day. I wasn’t going looking for them, they just happened to be right there... for the same price of $30! (They were on sale!!!!) 

If I hadn’t put the clothes back, I would have either spent double, or completely skipped going to the store altogether. 

Even though it wasn’t anything significant, I felt like I was given an opportunity to follow a simple prompting. 

I encourage everyone to pray for opportunities to change for the better in some way. Whether it to be have a chance to practice forgiveness, patience, or promptings :) I promise God will give you ways to grow, sometimes you just have to ask.

Don’t forget to be awesome!

Numbers

W.E.B Du Bois said, "When you have mastered numbers, you will in fact no longer be reading numbers, any more than you read words when reading books. You will be reading meanings."

In the scriptures we see a lot of repeated numbers. This year, I finally started paying attention, and I've learned some meanings along the way :) 

Three is usually associated with heaven. For instance, the Godhead has three members. There are three degrees of heaven. There are three degrees within the Celestial kingdom. Three is also superlative, meaning, if something is repeated three times, you better dang pay attention because it's important. Superlative is the highest degree of something. 

Four is associated with earth, creation, and nature. There are four corners of the earth, four seasons, four directions, four elements... all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of four. 

Six is just short of perfection (next paragraph). Because six isn't whole, it is considered to be evil and bad. Make the number 666 (superlative!) and it's the ultimate evil... thus Satan's number.  

Seven is considered to be perfection. Seven is complete and whole. What makes up seven? Three (heaven) and four (earth). Isn't that neat? Where three and four meet is considered completion. For example there are 7 days of the week, 7 dispensations...

Eight is a symbol for new beginnings. Eight follows after the number seven (which was complete) and thus is starting anew. Ironic that eight is the age for accountability and when we are to get baptized? 

12 is considered God's power and authority. It is also a sign of completion. For example, we have 12 months in a year, the 12 tribes of Israel, 12 apostles...

 

Aren't number patterns cool? There are so many more! 

Numbers are especially prominent in Revelations, and knowing the basic meanings of numbers is especially helpful. 

For example is Ch. 4...

Verse 4, it talks about 24 seats (two sets of 12) 

Verse 5 talks about seven lamps (or Spirits of God)

Verse 6 talks about four beasts

Verse 8 says that these beasts have six wings and were saying "holy, holy, holy" (superlative!)

You get the idea.

I encourage you to invest a little time in numbers. It's really helpful how they are used and what they mean. 

Don't forget to be awesome! 

How old are you?

The concept of time has always been one of interest to me. 

It is so abstract. 

To help understand it, we’ve constructed a system of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years to help us keep track of time passing. 

But is time something of age?

Possibly. 

However, time doesn’t tick at the same rate everywhere in the universe. 

For instance, if you were traveling into a black hole, time to you would remain constant. 

However, time to others outside of the black hole would speed up. If you were to look back and be able to see people further away from the black hole, everyone would be moving at an accelerated rate and aging much quicker than you. 

However, for the people outside of the black hole looking into it, time would appear to have slowed down, everything would be in slow motion. 

Interesting. 

This concept of time really doesn’t make much sense when you think about it. 

In 2 Peter 3:8 it says, “But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand year, and a thousand years as one day.” 

So one day in heaven equals a thousand years on earth. 

1000yrs (earth) = 1 day (heaven)

So recalculated you could find … 

1.44 x the number of years you are = heavenly minutes you’ve been gone. 

Calculating my age 

1.44 x 20yrs = 28.8 heavenly minutes 

In regards to heaven I haven’t even been gone 30 minutes. 

That’s like no time at all.

And we constantly beat ourselves up so much for the sins we’ve made over such a short time. 

Don’t let the sins you’ve committed define you. 

You’ve lived so much longer than however old you are on earth. 

We all accomplished many great things before even coming to this life. 

Don’t forget about all the good you did to get here. 

And don’t forget to be awesome!

Prayer

James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upabraideth not; and it shall be given him."

We have read and memorized this scripture a million times as members of the LDS church. This passage of scripture is what prompted Joseph Smith to go pray in the Sacred Grove.
We learn about prayer at an early age, as early as we can talk (so long as you grew up in the church).

What I love about prayer is that it is so simple, yet, also so complex.

Praying is easy. It's constructed like a conversation.
A greeting.
A "talk about the good things in my life" segment
A "talk about the hard things in my life" segment
A farewell.

But it's also so much more than that.

We often think that offering a prayer is for God, that He needs to hear from us.
But prayer wasn't designed for God. It was designed so that we could hear from and talk to Him.
He already knows us perfectly. He knows our thoughts, hearts, life, etc. He doesn't need to get to know us.
He gave us the gift of prayer so that we could seek counsel, comfort and strength from Him.

We should feel honored that God has given us a way to talk to Him. He's the ruler of the universe.

But that also shows how much He loves us and that He wants us to succeed.

So if we are praying, we should also expect to hear answers.

A lot of times we expect to hear answers while we are on our knees, and sometimes it does happen this way, but most of the time they don't. A lot of the time answers will come while we are out living our lives. They can come through feelings, thoughts, other people, dreams, etc.
But what if they don't come at all?
This often worries and frustrates a lot of people.

Be grateful for silence. Silence is a sign that He trusts you to make the decision. In a way, it is a vote of confidence for you.
If you are sincere, He's not going to let you go too far down the wrong path when you make a mistake.
The purpose of this life is to grow and  to learn, and that won't happen if He is giving us all the answers on a silver platter.
We'll become spiritual spoiled brats who can't do anything on our own if that's the case.

So be thankful for prayer and be thankful for silence when it does come.

Don't forget to be awesome!

Anxiety

I'm one of those people that can overthink anything.
If I think about any one thing long enough, I start to worry about it. I'll get anxiety over almost anything and it is draining.
Not only is it draining, but it's also very uncomfortable.
Sometimes stress out so much that I'll get clammy and my breathing becomes much shorter. Sometimes it feels like someone is pressing a hot rag against my whole body, making me feel closed off. Sometimes I feel like my mind is at war with itself and it won't stop wheeling at full speed. I can't unclench my fists. My muscles are locked tight.

This is not a good feeling.

Charles Spurgeon said, "Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but it only empties today of its strength"

This feeling is not coming from God. God does not want us to feel weak.

In 2 Timothy chapter 1 verse 7 it says, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

I love this verse.

Just this last weekend I had sort of a brain meltdown. I become overly anxious. Something didn't feel right.
I was happy, but I was also being introduced to old and new stimuli and it was stressing me out. It was making me question the peace I had felt before.

Doing what I only knew how to make myself feel better, I decided to read some scriptures and say a prayer. Instead of the busy chatter that had been filling my mind, I began to think about the feelings God brings.
 I realized my feeling of initial peace is what was from Him. The feelings of wrongness and worry was not Him. I don't think it was God trying to tell me that I am headed down the wrong path. Instead, I think that was Satan trying to deter me from what I already knew.
Perhaps that was Satan's attempt to distract me; it was definitely a feeling I did not like.

God didn't make us a cowardly people, He built us to be both strong and peaceful. That's what he promotes.
So if you feel like you're at a disequilibrium, know that if you're following the Lord's path you will only find peace. Trust me, it's a good feeling.

Don't forget to be awesome!

Getting Dressed

We get dressed for lots of reasons. For school, church, interviews, bed, war, weddings etc.
If you think about it, each type of dress is preparation for something or someone. It's as if everything we are getting dressed for is for some sort of ritual.

In Ephesians chapter 6, it talks about putting on the armor of God.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

 16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

 Growing up, we always dressed a figure in battle gear in order to represent this concept. I've always connected this passage of scripture with fighting and protection. However, this week I made a new connection. Symbolically, we are getting dressed with truth, righteousness, preparation, faith, salvation and your testimony. This what we also need in order to be in the presence of our Heavenly Father.

Heavenly Father is a King.

Traditionally, before you enter the presence of a King, you would need to be dressed in certain robes. Jesus Christ is helping us with this special attire. He will be bringing us into the presence of our Father, and He intends for us to be properly dressed.

I invite you to think about this as you get dressed for certain events from now on.
Don't forget to be awesome!