Why I didn't go on a mission

I get asked this question a lot, "Why aren't you on a mission? You should go!"

I know, I've heard this probably a hundred times. Everyone goes on a mission now. I should go too. Almost everyone my age has received their mission calls and are now serving the Lord by teaching people all over the world what the gospel is. The age group between 18-21 is almost non-existent because they have all left.

I felt like I was being left behind. 

Don't get me wrong, I want to go. I think it would be amazing to be in complete service of my God, teaching others the wonderful news the Gospel brings. I want to share the joy and peace it brings me. I'm completely a mission supporter 100% of the way. Most of my closest friends are out on missions and I long to be doing the same thing. I think everyone who knows they are supposed to go on a mission, should go.

 I just don't think it's for me. 

For a while, I tried to force myself on the mission boat. Getting to hear many of my friends open their calls to exotic places and speak foreign languages was so inspiring! I wanted it to be my call every time one was opened.

There was this one night after hearing a mission call opening, I returned to my room and had a panic attack. I couldn't get the thought of going on a mission out of my mind. But the more I thought about it, the more stressed I felt. I couldn't concentrate on anything else except that I should get started on my mission papers and catch up to everyone else. I was feeling so incredibly pressured, panicked and a little sick to my stomach. I read some scriptures and kept saying to myself, "This is just nerves, or Satan telling you not to go." 

I then thought and prayed about what would happen if I stayed here. I felt so much peace. I felt as if something had calmed the storm that had been waging war inside of me for a few months. I wasn't worried anymore. I can't explain it in words, but I felt like I was supposed to stay. I realized I could still change lives and teach people around me. For some reason I had a greater calling to stay here and not go. I promised myself I would find people who crossed my path and be open about my beliefs. While it is still too early in my life to know why I wasn't supposed to go, I can see the small rippling effects of my example being here. I'm glad I stayed. If I had left I would have missed out on opportunities to share the gospel with those I have already found. I don't have to tell people I don't know if I'm going on a mission yet, because I can say I'm serving here. I still have the opportunity to answer questions and post videos, quotes and scriptures on social media. 

...I almost feel like serving a mission is a certain status placement now. Like, if you don't go, you aren't as strong as the rest of everyone who went. 

Missionaries actually need references and help finding people to teach. That's their biggest problem. With a large portion of the young adults being gone, there is not a lot of people still here to be that example, influence, or plant the seeds of the gospel. That can be me. That can be you. That can be all of us. Missionaries still need support from young people while they are out. Part of my service here, is writing to them. I send my favorite quotes and scriptures when they are going through a hard patch. I listen and pray for them. I send jokes, stories and ask random questions to keep Mondays fun and interesting. Sometimes I feel like writing everyone on their mission...is a full time mission.

So when people ask, "Why haven't you gone on a mission yet?" 

I can say, "I'm on a mission. It's just not the same one you are on."