LDS Temples

Growing up the temple never scared me, nor was I worried about what happened inside. Just doing baptisms was perfectly fine for me… until everyone went on missions. Slowly, temple trip groups were split between those doing an endowment session and those doing baptisms. Then it was just a few of us going to the font…and then it was just two. At that point I felt so incredibly ostracized. While the rest of the entire group got to go behind the check-in desk, my friend and I were left to do baptisms on our own. I know that baptisms are also very important, but I felt that the others were getting more out of the trip than I could. Without going on a mission, there was never a real “reason” to get endowed. 

Not all of us are supposed to go on missions. Not all of us can.

This frustrated me so much! I felt like all my friends had more knowledge and were at a higher level than me. 

And it only got worse when as I got closer to going. 

The panic of being singled out (because I don’t know what I’m doing) or messing something up was terrifying. 

Temple Prep classes at church didn’t help me either. The fact that it was a separate class made the whole thing seem more secretive and selective. The class (in case you’re wondering) doesn’t talk about anything you didn’t already know. It could be taught in a normal class and that would be totally fine. 

I felt like maybe Satan was working on me. 

I had so many panic attacks and dreams that woke me up. 

Sometimes I cried about it. 

People telling me, “it’s a lot to take in” DOES NOT HELP AND MAKES IT WORSE. You make it more ambiguous. 

I understood it was sacred and that’s why we don’t talk about it, but honestly, it felt like I was blindly being thrown into the fire and I was supposed to excited…? I wasn’t. I was terrified. 

I wasn’t terrified of the ordinances, I was terrified of having no idea what to expect or what I would have to do if anything at all. 

“Just focus on the spirit” everyone told me. But it would have been nice to know what I have to do… just sit there? Say stuff? Move around the room? Do we do stuff one at a time? Was it all together? How was I supposed to know what to do? What do I participate in? 

AHHHHHHHHH. 

After going through this experience myself I wanted to offer my own advice and what helped me.

Thankfully, I had a wonderful fiancé who helped me. He didn’t know it, but helped calm my nerves a bit. He suggested reading a book about the temple (not The Holy Temple by Boyd K Packer, although that’s a good read which I recommend). The book Endowed from on High helped explain symbolisms and WHY they are used. Just a bit more information :) 

I was also so incredibly blessed with a roommate who instead of telling me the temple is a lot of information and weird (don’t tell people that either!!!), she told me that it’s the warmest, happiest place and you’ll never smile more. Everyone should be like her. She made me feel peaceful rather than worried. 

One of the most important things I found helpful was to ask people “what’s one thing you wish someone had told you before you went your first time” 

This makes people actually remember their anxieties and what would have helped. You get some good and more thoughtful answers this way. 

But the most help I had was from praying. I can’t tell you how many times I was on my knees praying for comfort about it, and that I would be excited to go. 

The days got better after that. 

Not all days were worry free, but I was much more relaxed. I felt like I had a blanket around my brain keeping anxiety thoughts away. 

I prayed and thought about it so much that I had this incredible dream that about put all my worries to rest. It must have come from heaven, because no such feelings of peace and joy could have come from anywhere else.

I entered into a giant black and white building, glass windows everywhere. The scenery was beautiful…gardens, mountains, temples, snow, fountains, all surrounding this building. I was greeted by former prophet, President Hinckley, but I also recognized other faces from home. President Hinkley asked if he could help me, and I told him it was my first time going into a building like this. He was so excited for me to be there! He told me that I shouldn’t be so worried and that he wanted to show me something that might help. He let me enter past an invisible shield/veil thing, and as soon as I stepped through pure joy shot through me. My entire body was glowing with this feeling of bliss and peace. It was the purest form of happiness. I’ve never felt so happy in my life! At that point I exclaimed, “how can the church not be true when you receive joy like this?! You can’t deny this feeling or the church. No other place has this.”

He then informed me that I was right! And everything we do is to have bits of that joy until we get to have the full joy again when we return back to heaven. 

That’s why we do everything. 

I still have questions why we do things. I still don’t get things. I’m still learning, but I wish I had gone earlier (before close to getting married).

I think it would have helped me process and feel more comfortable if I had just gone with my mom and without a wedding crew behind me. 

My advice is to go before you have to (marriage or mission) that way you’re going for yourself. 

Only have people you want to be there be there. (I advise parents to help you).

The temple is a wonderful place, and I feel myself wanting to go often, so it must have been not too bad. 

So go. Go now for yourself and feel of God’s mighty power. 

Don't forget to be awesome! 

Being a mini Christ

Everyone goes through hard times. There is always some sort of struggle in everyone's life, even if it's not very visible. Sometimes, things are much harder than other times.
I know I'm guilty of this, but when things get harder I'm always on my knees praying more, reading scriptures more, and trying to be everything I can to get the blessings to come.
What I forget is that when I am comforted and feel peace, I need to be going out to help other people who are struggling.
In II Corinthians Chapter 1, verse 4 is says, "Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."
This brings me reassurance. It doesn't say He will comfort us after our tribulations, it says that He will comfort is in (during) our tribulations.

Sometimes it feels like eternities while we are in the midst of our trials. Sometimes they seem to disappear in the matter of an instance.
Do you ever wonder why God comforts us? Well, first of all He loves us. He loves us so much that He wants us to be happy and tries to guide us to the happiness He has planned out for us.
But He also comforts us so that we can help others.
He wants us to spread your comfort and happiness with others, and that's hard to do when you're in your own dismal state.
In a way, He is making a small extension of Himself within you by giving you the capability to help others.
That's pretty cool!

I have a personal experience with this. For a few weeks I had this constant anxiety and was feeling pretty alone. I felt like I was being abandoned by people that I cared about, and it was making me hurt deep down inside. It was like a constant ache in my body and it consumed most of my thoughts.

One day, I went to the temple while this thought was on my mind. It began with the usual pit in my stomach and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness grew inside of me. I closed my eyes and began to pray, even beg, for this to be taken away from me. I needed to be feel okay again, even if it was just for a moment.
Then, an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love washed over me like a wave. I had never felt such an increase of peace in one single moment. The thought then came to mind, "I will never abandon you"
And then I knew that I would be okay. People are going to fail you, but Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can always be counted on. They are not going to leave you, even if everyone else does.
It was as if everything I had been depressed about disappeared, and I had a new light was shining within me.
This feeling of peace made me a happier person. I spent more time talking through other people's problems. I was able to listen to others without being consumed by my own thoughts. I felt more able to be with other people, instead of staying shut away in my room. My mind was cleared so I could see what things needed to be done around my apartment without grumbling. I became an encouragement to other people.
I'm happier than I have been in months. I'm not saying I don't struggle anymore, I do, but they are only brief moments. If I keep my main focus on helping other people, I know I'll be comforted so I can keep aiding His other children on earth, and that's what matters.

Don't forget to be awesome!

Thoughts from the Edge

I've been thinking a lot about the different social views everyone has. Opinions are so heated.
I feel like there is a constant war between two sides on practically everything.

For a long time, I've felt that you have to fully pick a side without reservations, or no one will accept you. Or that if you pick a side, you can't value any part of what the other "team" has to say. I've seen and felt a lot of rejection, neglection, and even ludicrous for having a certain opinion. That, somehow, what I think is always wrong, and there is no possible way that I can justify why I think the way I do, because I'm wrong and that's just the way it is.
"You're wrong, so we don't like you, and therefor anything you do or say from now on will also be wrong."
There's a lack of being empathetic towards the opposing view. This causes hurt between people.
I don't like hurting people.

This is why I try to agree with as much as I can on both sides. This doesn't mean I don't have strong beliefs, I do, and I intend to defend them if they are being threatened.
However, I will not shove my opinions down anyone's throat, post it all over social media, become defensive, comb through articles/comments and tell people why they are wrong. That just causes turmoil and there's a 99% chance you aren not going to change anyone's opinion anyway.
It's more important to make people feel like you are their friend than be right.

One of my favorite quotes: "Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding" - Bill Bullard

People are always saying, "Have an open mind!" I don't think this should necessarily be true. If you're going to be wishy-washy on everything, you won't be able to stand strong on anything and people can use you like a puppet.
The saying should be "Have a firm mind, and an open heart."

Rather than being totally on one side of the border, I think that it is okay to come to the edge to meet the other opinion. That is where compromises and unions are made. Things become more fruitful there.
One of my favorite YouTubers, Hank Green, explained this concept much better than I ever could. Hank studied ecology. He notes, that in instances where the ocean meets the land (called an ecotones), they tend to be more diverse and fruitful than either biome alone. The "edge" is a fantastic place, but it also tends to be a violent one. While there are many benefits from being able to use resources from either biome, there is also a lot more access for predators... and getting pummeled and dragged around can be exhausting. But because of the intermixing biomes, there is much larger adaptability, productivity, diversity created here. The key is to stay strong where you are, but have the ability to use the other side if you can. Here's the link if you'd like to watch what Hank has to say about the matter. (It's under 4 minutes, I highly suggest it :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WHRerf-lrw

Anyway, on a more spiritual note, in Acts chapter 14, Paul and Barnabas are praised as if they were gods... and then are heavily stoned...by the same people.
The problem is they had too open of a mind. First, they saw Paul perform a miracle and they were convinced that he was totally awesome. Then, in verse 19, it says, "And there came thither certain Jews from Antioch and Iconium, who persuaded the people, and, having stoned Paul, drew him out of the city, supposing he had been dead."
All it took was for someone to come and tell them that Paul was not awesome and they stoned him. They had no firm opinion of their own.

Now, I'm not saying you should never change your opinion. I think recognizing that original opinions were wrong can be hard. No one likes to admit they were wrong. I highly respect people who can do that. But if you truly believe and know something, stick with it! Hold fast to it! Be passionate about it!
I just beg you to not push other people away because your opinions.
I would consider myself an edge dweller. I connect well with people on both sides of the spectrum, even if my values belong on one side. I try and connect with whatever I can, even if it's small. Being on the edge allows you to learn a lot from both sides. It makes it easier to communicate to the other side without offending, but most importantly they feel like they matter.

In the words of our beloved prophet, Thomas S. Monson, "Never let a problem to be solved become more important to be loved."

Don't forget to be awesome!